Take Control of Your Destiny by Breaking Bad Habits

To take control of your life, recognize that habits are response patterns to situations. 

If you are a smoker, you reach for a cigarette when the coffee is served, but not during the soup. 

You don't smoke or even want to in church, in the theater, in a courtroom, or in other places where no one usually smokes. 

Given the right circumstances you will light up.

In order to break a habit, then, you must recognize that you must deal with the source of satisfaction - that is, you must want to change your ways and give up the real or imagined benefits; you must be aware of what you are doing, and, you must take in account the situation that had become associated with the habit.

A number of methods for habit breaking have been proposed by therapists working from different points of views. 

Here I will review some of them and recommend the one that I believe is the most effective.

One method for habit breaking is through negative practice. 
This is deliberately repeating a habit over and over again until you are totally bored with it. This method can be used when you seem to be unaware of when or why you are doing something. 

This procedure calls attention to the situation involved, which makes them recognizable so that preventive action can be taken.

Another method that can be used is the tapering off method. 
This is a long-term process and works only if you are seriously interested in breaking the habit. If the habit is related to a life-threatening disease such as cancer or heart disease your motivation to break the habit can be significantly strong enough so that nothing else may be needed.

Still, another method is to quit cold turkey.  
You may experience significant stress with this approach or you may perhaps experience some joy out of being able to make such a complete break. 

This is not a method, but a decision that you make and are willing to stick with despite the potential discomfort that you will experience.

Finally, in my judgment the best way to break any habit is to follow the five main components of the habit reversal method:

1. Recognize that the habit is a strong or persistent urge that is not rooted in deeper psychological problems.
2. Keep precise record of urges and count the number of times that you actually succumb to them.
3. Develop an awareness of the chain of events that leads to or results in the unwanted behavior.
4. Learn relaxation method as a means of combating the urges.
5. And, substitute a response that incompatible with the unwanted behaviors.

If you really desire to quit any habit and take control of your life, these five easy step process really works.


Your Thoughts. Leave Your Comments Below

Manage Your Mind for Fun and Profit

Although, you are busy that's no excuse for reading inspirational and motivating literature. 

Carve out the time to read even if it's only twenty minutes a day. I guarantee you'll enjoy it so much that you will find even more time to do so.  

The old adage, you are what you read, still rings true. When your reading materials are success-oriented and optimistic, your achievement level will be high. 

Stop Reading Pessimistic Materials 
If your reading materials are pessimistic or depicts people as victims of circumstance, your achievement level will be low. 

Conversely, achievement oriented literature will help you to think in terms of goals and success. It can be most supportive of you in your pursuit of inner strength and self-reliance.  

Keep the book you never get to read either in your car, in your briefcase, or in your purse. If you are waiting in a long line some where, or if you are caught waiting for a tardy child, it will become an opportunity to read.

And, finally, think about a book that you absolutely loved when you were in college and reread it. Great literature is every bit as great the second time around.

Find Time to Exercise Daily
For the body consider this. Nearly six out of ten people experience no daily exercise. However, like any other activity, it takes both choice and commitment. 

Walking, jogging, biking, or working out regularly on a home exercise machine such as a stationary bike can have a positive impact on your physical and emotional health, but you have to choose to do it and commit to doing it. 

Do it even if you think you don't have time for it. It's good for the mind, good for the soul, and it doesn't have to cost you a cent. 

Also consider walking with a friend. It's a perfect way to do two things at once: exercise and create an opportunity for good conversation. 

In addition to a regular exercise routine, get extra exercise by walking up a flight of stairs rather than using an elevator.

Keep Exercising Simple 
Back to the simple home exercise machine. It works fine. Forget the fancy looking exercise machines you see advertised on television and forget joining the local health club. You don't need either before you start exercising. 

In reality, the foundation of any good exercise program needs to be no more complicated than taking a walk or a jog for free and adding a few other activities such as sit-ups, push-ups, or jumping on an exercise bike if you just want to work on certain parts of the body and to give yourself some variety. 

This is all that is required for you to have a positive effect on your health.

To get the maximum enjoyment from life, you need to pursue the care and feeding of both your mind and your body. Think about health as a broad goal for both your mind and your body.

Your Comments?

4 Secrets of Setting Goals in Life

We are all increasingly bombarded by events beyond our control. Wars, inflation, recession, and other outside stresses impinge on our emotions. 

When we add these events to career, family, health, financial, and personal problems, it is apparent why stress overload is such a common problem.

While these realities are here, with its rapid changes, our delicate human nervous system remains unchanged.  We continually search for firm ground on which to stand and meet our problems. 

Goals and Setting Goals in Life is that firm ground. 

Have a Goal Oriented Plan for Your Life
The truth is that if you don't have a goal oriented game plan for your life and personal development, you may well lose control of those events upon which you can exercise control. For example, you may feel reasonably secure in your career today, but are you prepared for a second, or perhaps a third career if circumstances make such a decision necessary?

Things happen unexpectedly - - career crisis, health problems, and family problems - - and, without planning you will end up being a reactor rather than an actor in life.  

Goal setting makes you an active agent in molding your life and enables you to be clear what you want. Keep in mind that not much of life is accomplished without specific, smart goals.

The pleasure of taking control of your life is, by itself, worth the effort. It prepares you for the inevitable changes that occur as you pass from decade to decade through marriage, children, career changes, retirement, and so on. 

It gives you a full perspective on your life. You can see, perhaps for the first-time, whether or not you are structuring your life to realize your potential and achieve personal fulfillment.

Here Then are Four Principles to Follow:
1. Define your goals clearly 
The failure to establish clear goals is one of the chief obstacles to achievement and personal fulfillment. The art of goal setting lies in your ability to focus on one well-defined objective at a time. A clearly defined goal is one that is specific and measurable and one that is set within a specific time frame.

2. Put your goals in writing 
Goal writing is the tool for achievement and fulfillment. Your goals must mesh with your commitment and your purpose in life. Successful people in all walks of life have found that goal writing can provide the energy and the will to achieve them. Writing down goals forces you to be specific. Your goals become more real and you avoid the dangers of vague, indefinite objectives.

3. Record baseline data 
In setting goals in Life, you need specific information about your present actions in order to establish a basis for change. It is important to have a complete and accurate record of where you stand now if you are to establish a goal for change. 

For example, if your goal is to double the amount of time you spend walking each week, keep track of the time you currently spend walking and figure the average. In setting baseline data, don't rely on memory. Make a record as it occurs and give yourself a long enough period of time to get a fair average. Good baseline information is the foundation for setting successful goals.

4. Break goals into sub goals 
Trying to make the transition from present performance to a desired goal in a single jump can lead to early failure and loss of confidence. Sub goals are stepping stones to success. A big goal is not a measure of your present status. 

It is a target -- something you need to attain ultimately. You shouldn't feel like a failure if your goal is not achieved tomorrow or the next day. You need the smaller sub goals that are just beyond your current ability but still within the realm of present possibility.

These goals can be very supportive as they help build your winning streak. Most importantly they can provide the foundation for successful activity.


Do you set goals? What has been your experience?

5 Great Success Habits You Need to Have

Let's agree that we first make our habits and then our habits make us. 

From a psychological point of view, habits are well learned responses that are performed automatically in response to some stimulus, often unrecognized by the performer.

If you had to stop and think about anything, it's not a habit.For example, most of us have acquired the habit of using the mouse for navigating the internet, using a word processor, reading, composing e-mails, and so on.

Nevertheless, using the mouse for these tasks and other related tasks are much less efficient and productive than using the keyboard. Once you begin using the keyboard, you'll quickly realize a more effective use of your time and increased productivity.

If you are skilled in using the keyboard, you cannot tell without stopping to move your fingers which finger is used to type "k" or "r". Your typing has become a string of habits too fast for thought but highly desirable for efficiency.

In that you are likely using Windows, here are some simple Microsoft Windows keyboard shortcuts you can be using now: Windows key + D (Desktop to Foreground); F2 (renames a selected file or folder); Context Menu (Right Click); Alt + underlined letter (Menu drop down, Action selection); Alt + Tab (Toggle between open applications); Alt, F +X or Alt +F4 (Exit application); Alt, Spacebar + X (Maximize Window); Alt, Spacebar + N (Minimize Window); Ctrl + W (Closes Window); F2 (Renames a selected file or folder). Getting the keyboard habit is the key to productivity.

It is easier to form good habits than to change bad ones. However, forming new habits requires a daily commitment. Here are some additional good habits that can add to your success That as an independent consultant I have found to be useful:

1. Read consistently at least 15 minutes a day in your chosen field. It doesn't matter whether they are books, articles, or reports.

2. Get to the bottom of the subject or issue to understand the pros and cons and arguments for and against it. The habit of getting to the bottom of things, usually land you on top.

3. Clear your desk at the end of the day. A cluttered desk at the beginning of your day, makes for a confused start and detracts from a sense of focus.

4. Identify six items that can be accomplished by the end of your day, write them down and make a sincere effort to complete all six.

5. Get some file crates. Put them next to your desk and place, in them, the files you are working on for easy access.

Habits are either your best servants or your worst of masters. Make your habits your best servants.

Are your habits your best servants? Leave your comments below.

 

Is There a Difference Between Counseling or Therapy?

Counseling zeros in on real world, everyday problems which include such concerns as "I'm facing foreclosure. What should I do?" "My son is hanging out with the wrong crowd. What should I do?" "My boss is too demanding. What should I do?" "I think my husband is having an affair. What should I do?

Therapy is another option. It has the goal of helping you to develop competencies to deal with the world in which you live. It is not about telling you how to live. But, it will offer options to you that extend beyond your worldview and will result in a disruption of your usual, rigid, thinking patterns. 

These patterns are those which have created the stress you are experiencing and have limited your spontaneity and creativity.

The types of questions therapy tend to deal with are associated with thoughts, moods, and actions. When you have such concerns as: You feel as if you can't go it alone. You feel boxed in and as if there is nowhere else to turn. You are constantly worrying and never seem to find a solution. 
Moreover, it is affecting your sleep, eating, employment, and relationships. And, you have tried to change, but you are just not experiencing any improvement.

Effective therapy will engage you in an active educational process. It will go far beyond conversational therapy and actively guide, coach, model, and teach you how to solve problems, feel better, relate better, and achieve goals. Problems are solved when you make a determined effort to solve them. 

If you continue to feel, act, and think in a certain way, chances are you are choosing that way when you could actually find out how to change and, with help, make the special effort to change. 

I hope that this clarifies what I believe is a real distinction that has to be made. Let me know what you think. Need immediate help? Call (773) 614-3201. 

Leave your comments below.

Who’s at Risk for Stroke?

My mother had a stroke in the early 80s but miraculously recovered after being in a coma for 10 days. I use the term miraculously because the doctors said that she likely would not recover and that we should get prepared for her death.
However, my brother and I prayed everyday for her recovery and she recovered. Not only  did she recover, but she didn't show any after affects of having a stroke and lived for about 10 more years before dying of natural causes. I was very fortunate to get her to the emergency room in time.

Frequency of Strokes in the U.S.
Of the approximately 795,000 strokes that occur in the United States each year, about 610,000 are first strokes, and 185,000 are recurrent attacks.

Although the incidence of strokes has declined significantly since the 1960s, the strokes that do happen are just as severe. In fact, strokes  are a leading cause of serious, long-term disability in the United States.

Risks of Having a Stroke
The odds of having a stroke more than double every 10 years after age 55. More than two-thirds of strokes involve people over 65. If you have a stroke, the risk of dying from it also increases with age. 88% of deaths from strokes are in people 65 and older.

Women have about 55,000 more strokes than men each year, and women make up about 60% of stroke deaths. Race is another risk factor. African Americans, for example, are almost twice as likely to suffer a stroke as are whites.

Warning Signs of Having a Stroke
Everyone should learn the following warning signs of stroke. If you experience any of these symptoms, immediately dial 911 or go to an emergency room:

• weakness in an arm, hand, or leg
• numbness on one side of the body
• sudden dimness or loss of vision, particularly in one eye
• sudden difficulty speaking
• inability to understand what someone is saying
• dizziness or loss of balance
• sudden, lasting, excruciating headache.

Do you have any thoughts on this subject. Leave your comments below.

7 Steps to Good Male-Female Relationships Whether You’re Married or Single

If you are in an intense emotional relationship and it begins to deteriorate, it can have a devastating effect both on your work and on other aspects of your personal life.  Also, if you are someone who needs that type of relationship to feel personally fulfilled, then you need to take the steps to make sure that it’s a healthy one.

These 7 Steps are valuable to you whether you are married or single. If you are married, perhaps one or more of the steps may or may not pertain to you and similarly so if you are single. Nevertheless, if you are a man or woman, married or single, read this article carefully and use what applies to you.

1. Learn about the Values and Lifestyle of the Other Person
Your rules of your life are your values. Determine if your values and the other person's are compatible. Ask yourself constantly, "What is the right thing to do?” Consider what changes you would have to make. And, remember that one change makes way for the next and gives you the opportunity to grow.

If you are a woman and are serious about establishing a quality relationship with a man, offer to share his interests, and go with him to places he likes to go. Do it actively and enthusiastically. If you think that the places he likes to go are too way out and would require too much of an adjustment for you, but his other qualities make him worthwhile, then discuss it with him and work out a compromise.

2. Get to know his Friends, Relatives, and Acquaintances.
There is an old saying; by your friends you shall know them. If your man is one who is upwardly mobile, you can quickly tell that by his choice of friends. Look for such qualities as stability, industriousness, self-discipline, and honesty. An upwardly mobile man will immediately demonstrate these qualities.

Don't let yourself be swayed by others opinion. Do not discuss your boyfriend with your female friend. And if you are a man, do not discuss your girlfriend with your male friend. Don't push obligations early and never ask to borrow money even if you really need it and feel certain that she would loan it to you.

3. Clarify Sex Roles and Responsibilities
Eliminate role conflict. Each family, knowingly or unknowingly, maintains a system in which members fulfill certain roles or functions. Family members are most comfortable when these roles are carefully spelled out. Develop clear division of labor and capacity. God made women and men different and we should appreciate and respect the differences instead of trying to act as if there are no differences.

Acquire flexibility to adjust to different sex roles. Each of us in the course of a day, occupy different roles, but not the least in importance are the roles of husband, wife, father, and mother. Seek to grow in the different roles. We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.

Provide mutual support and encouragement in meeting responsibilities. We live by encouragement, and we die without it---slowly, sadly, and angrily. Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. Smile and offer a word of optimism and hope. Say "you can do it" when things are tough. No dominant role should be the woman's and no submissive role should be the man's. Each family, knowingly or unknowingly, maintains a system in which members fulfill certain roles or functions. Whenever possible, the man should always be the primary breadwinner.

Make sex a part of the overall relationship, but never build your relationship solely on sex. Moreover, sex should never be withheld as punishment. Marriage is a union between two adults, not between a parent and a child. The idea of punishing one or the other in a marital relationship is silly and childish. A woman should never refuse to have sex with her man and vice versa unless there is a physical reason or a legitimate illness.

Infidelity should never be accepted by either party, if based on a prior understanding. If both the man and the woman sincerely desire to make each other happy, then there's no such thing as boring sex. Don't make getting an orgasm the essence of a sexual relationship. Foreplay is whatever makes both individuals look forward to sexual intercourse. Always make time for sex whether it’s in the morning, afternoon, or evening.

4. Be Flexible in How You Can Meet Your Mate.
Be open to the possibilities of meeting someone any place, anywhere. Every lonely person should remember that meeting a suitable partner to build abiding love and happiness needs only one connection, one meeting, one social function, one planned effort...and any time could be that one time.  Possibilities for contacting potential, romantic-love partners increase proportionately with the number of approaches made towards potential partners.

Don't be turned off by the other's approach. Stop letting age be a factor. Get beyond the superficial, discover each other's values and interests. Sex can be on the first night, the second night, or any other night. Don't let others determine the quality of your sexual relationship. And, don't discuss your sexual relationship with others

5. Work on Your own Level of Emotional Maturity.
Strive to become emotionally self-reliant. It is estimated that only about ten percent of the population has developed emotional self-reliance. The ability to think and act independently is the essence of being emotionally self-reliant. It begins when we are determined to do everything we can possibly do for ourselves, emotionally and physically, in preference to seeking someone to do it for us.

Balance your relationship with other friends. Consider this definition of a friend -- a friend is a person who listens attentively while you are saying nothing. Or try this one -- a friend is someone who knows you well and still likes you. Remember who is the most important person in your life, but don't neglect your own personal growth.

Dwell on the best qualities in the other person, rather than the worst. Accept stress as a normal consequence of being alive, and use it to your advantage. Learn to appreciate your own company. By itself, marriage has little or no relationship to happiness. It is a by-product of a self-reliant, productive, and creative way of life. The individual who has not learned to be happy while single has just as little chance of being happy in marriage.

6. Develop Interests and Hobbies, but Don't Let it Affect your Commitment.
Continue to learn and to develop your mind. Remember, the mind is like the stomach. It’s not how much you put into it that counts, but how much it digests. Keep in mind that doing interesting things makes you an interesting person.

Take time for everything. a. Take time to work. It’s the price of success. b. Take time to think. It’s the source of power. c. Take time to read. It’s the fountain of wisdom. d. Take Time to Dream. It’s hitching your wagon to a star. e. Take Time to be friendly. It’s the road to happiness. f. Take time to love and be loved. It’s the privilege of the gods. g. Take time to play. It’s the secret of perpetual youth. h. Take time to look around. It’s too short a day to be selfish. i. Take time to laugh. It is the music of the soul.

Develop knowledge of the things that interest your partner. Check different sources for continuing learning. Keep up with current events and build your vocabulary. To relax the mind is to lose it. If you are not working at a regular job, become involved in community activities. Discover if your hobby can be developed into a money- making activity.

7. Be Willing to Converse and Discuss, but Never Argue.
Resolve any differences before going to bed. Communication does not begin with being understood, but with understanding others. Always keep open lines of communication. The real art of conversation is not to say the right thing, in the right moment, in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing.

As long as at the tempting word remains unspoken, you are its master; once you utter it, you are its slave. Always look to give praise and compliments, rather than criticism. The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Reinforce the good things that your mate does, you'll make sure those get repeated.

Recognize the difference between a discussion and an argument and choose discussion. Arguments are attempts to manipulate and subordinate others. We argue only if we feel weak. If we feel we are in the dominating position, we do not bother to argue. Arguing is a form of nagging and is always a clear sign of dependency. When we give up trying to influence others, we have no further need to argue with them.

Discussion is the anvil on which the spark of truth is struck. When arguing with a difficult person, make sure that you try to look at matters from the other's point of view. Realize that the other's point of is a result of their personality, education, and experiences.

It’s important for your mental health and well-being that your relationships are healthy ones. Become more self-reliant and make sure that your relationships are mutually beneficial.  You’ll be a much happier person.


What are your thoughts? Leave your comments.

Learn the 7 Ways for Healthy Aging

The aging population in the US is growing larger. The aging are living longer. While it is worthwhile to live to a ripe old age, it is even more gratifying if you are aging in a healthy way. 

Often this time of the year many of my posts deal with the Annual Election Period (AEP) when you have the opportunity to choose or replace your health care plan under Medicare. However, what you habitually do everyday has a significant bearing on healthy aging as opposed to being old and sickly.

In my view, there are 7 lifestyle habits that should be acquired if you don't have them already.

1. Get a good night's sleep every night. 
It can be as little as six hours. But, it should be one in which the lights are turned off with the full intention of sleeping and feeling relaxed in the morning,
2. Acquire and maintain a few friends
You need people with whom you can share good conversation, enjoy going to events, dinner, etc. and giving each other mutual support.
3. Keep the mind active. 
Find a mental activity that is absorbing and gratifying. It can be learning a new skill, regularly surfing the internet for new learning experiences and so on.
4. Get daily exercise. 
If you can't join a YMCA or a health club, get an exercise bike and some weights and work out for at least 3 to 5 minutes a day and walk regularly.
5. Eat a balanced diet. 
It is not necessary to eat three meals a day. Two meals will suffice. However, if you do choose to eat three meals, make them light and nutritious.
6. Control your thinking. 
Your mind can easily drift into a pattern of thinking that can make you sad and depressed if you are not careful. Think constructive thoughts - thoughts that are optimistic and forward looking.
7. Go to doctors less frequently unless you have an illness that needs to be monitored. 
Most doctors are trained to prescribe medications for any type of illnesses, real or imagined, and tests can sometimes give you false positives. Study and get to know your own body. Recognize symptoms that can be the precursors to a real illness. Then, when you go to the doctor, tell him specifically what your concerns are. Try not to get addicted to any type of medication.

Acquiring and maintaining these habits will be a great help in assuring a long and healthy life. If you don't already have a lifestyle based on these habits, reread this, and begin integrating these habits into your life. 

Remember any specific action repeated daily and consistently for at least 21 days will become a habit. Do this and acquire good habits.